His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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