mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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