i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
