There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
