it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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