CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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