I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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