I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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