He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
