I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
