then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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