Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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