Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
only you would photoshop your dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
