Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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