Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
time to smoke my breakfast
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
