A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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