I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
