sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
