Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
