She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry about my life...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
