i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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