Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
