Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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