I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
