He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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