she woke up with a sticky ear
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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