I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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