I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
