Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
