I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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