I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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