You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
