I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
