wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
