I haven't been this sober since birth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
