But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
