so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
