he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
