After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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