I love black thongs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
