You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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