I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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