Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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