It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
