do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
