Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
