Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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