Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
