the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
