Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
