I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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