i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
