Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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